This is me with my Grammy.
Some of you know her already...
I shared a bit about Grammy and how special she is to me
about a month ago in this post
(Just so you know...this is not a fun decorating post~
stop reading now if you would like to-
I won't be offended or hurt at all)
I wasn't sure when I would share what has been going on lately.
I have been trying to just do regular things and what not
and really, I wasn't sure when or if I would hit 'publish' on this post.
I mean, this blog is about decorating & fun stuff...
Honestly, visiting your posts, blogging, doing the regular routine
and trying to get some decorating done has been such a great diversion for me and I have needed it.
When I started blogging
I had no idea that I would meet so many wonderful people out here-
that I would find so much friendship and so much support.
It is such a blessing and I appreciate all of your kindness so much.
So here goes...
My grandparents were always a big part of my life while I was growing up
and my grandmother and I were especially close
from the time I was born...
For the past 3o+ years,
I have been so incredibly blessed to have been loved, nurtured and adored
by a wonderful woman,
On Saturdays, when I was little
I would spend the night at her house and we would watch
'The Bionic Woman' together
She taught me to sew,showed me how to bake & shared her recipes.
Thanksgiving was her Holiday~ she loved that all the family would come up
and celebrate together
and her mashed potato casserole is tradition.
When I was 8,
and my parents divorced, and as a child you feel like you don't
know what is solid ground when that happens.
Grammy was a constant-
someone who was there no matter what.
When both of my parents remarried and my brother and I weren't sure
where we fit in the new families.
she reassured that we were loved
even if it seemed like it wasn't true.
In high school-
I was searching for my place in my world.
Truth be told, I was pretty darn unlovable for awhile
and I made it very easy to give up on me...
Of course, my parents didn't give up on me,
but they are parents...
and they seem against you and you hate them the most at that age.
But Grammy wasn't like my parents to me and found a way to love me more
She and my grandfather drove across the country to meet each of my babies
when they were born
She held them and adored them for hours and it was so special to watch her
with my children.
When she got dementia about 4 1/2 years ago,
we all knew that the road ahead was going to be hard.
It became even harder as the Grammy we knew was hidden,
bit by bit...
She didn't know her family any longer...
that she had two sweet babies,
6 grandchildren and 9 great-grandchildren...
That she had been married to my grandfather since she was 19 years old...
or that he had passed away last year...
It was so sad to realize that she had so many experiences and wonderful memories of her life,
that she didn't know about any longer.
and it has been difficult for all of us
as we have watched little bits and pieces of her leave.
It has been hard to separate
and accept that there would be a time when
she would no longer be here.
Which brings us to today....
Just a few weeks ago,
while I sat with with her in the care home where she lived,
Grammy looked at me and told me that I needed to go do my own things now.
She asked if I understood what she was saying
and told me that it was hard for her to say it ...
During the next couple of visits,
she told me several times how very much she loved me
and loved everyone in our family.
Just before Thanksgiving,
I watched her holding her sweet baby dolls as she sang to them.
'Yes, sir , that's my baby....'
she sang the entire song,
then kissed them and told them to be good
and handed them to me.
Even though it was so upsetting and I was in tears, I was smiling as I watched her
because I knew that the Grammy we had all been missing for so long was there
and it was such a gift to have her back if even just for a few moments.
That night, I prayed that she would be safe and loved when she left.
That she would be in the arms of Heaven
and would remember all those memories that had been taken away while she was here.
That she would be that mother and grammy again.
It was so hard for me to not ask for her to stay.
My sweet grandmother is with my grandfather now.
I know that she is okay now
and I do feel her all around me,
it doesn't feel like she has left.
I feel so incredibly blessed that she was my grandmother
and that my children were able to know her
and we have all been so fortunate to have her in our lives.
Several months ago,
she told me that she thought we would always be close
no matter what...
and asked me if I thought so too.
I told her I did.
I love her so much and will miss her forever.